#unfunny joke on the papers DON'T read them

[petpetpinixy]

even more bullshit

[goblinrockcandy]

hey guys im BACK baby and i have some words

here are links so you can still find everything, but be wary that these links are probably gonna break any minute when i start moving everything around. lets hope i can remember to fix them and that i dont take a year to get to doing that: ARCHIVE    MY ART    OTHER ORGANIZATION TAGS

IM STILL ALIVE. i like to think that i never rlly left, but I havent posted in a damn while and part of that is because life stuff caught up with me and moreso because uhhhhhh Well im not quite satisfied with the way my blogs formatted right now, it makes posting and organizing and navigating harder than it has to be and it makes it Not Fun to post things.

SO. what we're gonna do is revamp things a lil bit. we're fucking doing this we are Making It Happen. what this'll do is itll make it easier for me to post things without having to remember every silly tag and rule i have set up here, and ill also just have a bit more of a laid-back and fun kinda art blog. i tried to do an elaborate tagging system, but MAN i am too forgetful for that.

so im just gonna keep it simple. character, fandom, content warnings, and maybe some other flavourtags. the sorts of things thatll make it easier for me to just pop up a quick drawing on even a busy day without having to go through a silly step by step process on how to tag things. because i love sharing my art and posting :)) but not so much when it is difficult </3

but hell who knows how thisll go after i reboot my bloggo. i think she was due for some maintenance for a long while. *pats the sidebar like you would soothe an agitated horse* there there girl, its gonna be alright. maybe ill even start making... casual posts? text posts? things like that??? damn Maybe.

im also gonna private some organization posts until i can properly wrangle then and sort out their kinks and oddities, and im gonna disable my blog theme for a bit. when i get a braincell on how to do an html and a css properly, THEN i can have a pretty theme. in the meantime, ill probably just set myself up with one of the tumblr defaults.

anyways. *ahem* for anyone who doesnt know me and this is their first stumble upon my blog while i move things around. feel free to click the read more if you want to subject yourself to the silliest introduction i could make for myself possible.

hi. i like to draw but lately my art skills have been a bit shakey, i think im out of practice so im probably gonna start out doing some studies. my styles and designs for characters are always changing, but lately ive been trying to cement some designs that are in my brain Onto Paper.

im goblinrockcandy but you can call me GRC if that's a mouthful (thats what i call me because i do not have time for 5 syllables). im a Knight of Heart and sometimes that gets shortened to KoH and so sometimes people call me koh. now KOH is also the chemical formula for potassium hydroxide, but no one calls me that (a real shame, it flows right off the tongue and i think its a lovely set of sounds), but potassium hydroxide also goes by another name and that is lye. so sometimes people call me lye. i don't have a name so if you want to refer to me you have to get creative or pick up my blog by the scruff of its handle like a really ugly cat and point at it and say "this motherfucker right here".

same goes for pronouns. my pronouns are none/applicable. you gotta BE CREATIVE if you want to refer to me... pronouns are a crutch. they were your training wheels and now im the final boss. you have to fight me with your other words, this is what you have been training for.......

im trans queer person of colour, painfully unfunny and addicted to bad jokes, and i love homestuck. my faves switch up every once in a blood moon but right now i really fuckin love jake english. you might have discerned that by the very subtle hints of I talk about Him all the time & dirt striber avatar.

[ursbearhug]

Sometimes I wonder if it's really the autistic folk who are 'the problem' or the society we live in.

To elaborate; every now and then my autistic friends will share with me something funny or educational on autistic people and after watching it I feel more like an alien than I feel like human being.

So what if one cannot read visual cues? It doesn't take much from the other person to vocalize whatever they're trying to get across. I fail to see how is it the fault of the autistic person in all of this.

Everyone needs to have something spelled out to them every now and then. You don't need papers to be given the grace of extra effort.

This one time somebody compared masking (or was it stimming?) to being reptilian among humans on earth. And I understand where they're coming from and it makes me think about the people they have met before. I seriously meet more unhinged people all the time and they don't feel the need to be secretive about how they're just rude, standoffish and unlikeable. I don't need my speaker to fake emotions nor do I care if they fidget the spinner or whatever.

I have two friends (or one as of right now I guess?) that once asked me to tie my hair extra around them because it bothers them. At least they had the decency to ask instead of demanding me to be more manly. It is only reasonable to respond to kindness with kindness.

Maybe it's not the autistic folk who are the problem here. Maybe it's our society who will refuse to communicate normally, and then make it a big deal that somebody doesn't turn bright red and cry at one's unfunny joke. It's pretty rich to ask somebody to go above and beyond when one is not even doing the bare minimum.

Alas, maybe it's me missing the point again.

[wikiangela]

starting only murders in the building s2 - post turned out longer than I anticipated so I'm adding the keep reading thing haha

(warning: don't keep reading if you like Selena, I'm expressing my opinion about her bluntly and no, I'm not interested in her defenders' opinions 😁)

straight from the beginning I'm annoyed by the cop dude 🙄 jfc kill him next lol

what Mabel said to him (the lawyer thing) was certainly not funny, and yet the lady cop laughed - they're still trying so hard to convince the audience they can do comedy huh 😂

also, oh my, Selena learned how to open her mouth wider, I'm shocked 😂

I gotta say, as much as I'm interested in the story, all of the characters are so fucking annoying oh my god 😂 (maybe except for Charles but that might be just because he's Steve Martin haha - and I liked Theo too, but the rest of them suck lol)

the "it's a callback" literally made me facepalm - i guess it was supposed to be cringy, but oh my god

Selena's actually better with facial expressions this season so far (did she see all the comments on the internet and took some acting classes before s2 lmao - and I know the comments and reviews criticizing her are there, I went looking to see if I'm the only one not enjoying her performance hahaha), though she still has only one tone of voice - also, in that scene with the cops she was opening her mouth wider, but now she's back to talking as if she was clenching her teeth all the time - it almost hurts my jaw just hearing her talk like that 😂😂 it that just how Selena talks irl? wow that's annoying 😂

why is Cara what's-her-name in this jfc 🙄 i only saw her in paper towns but I do not like her lol

did they hope Amy Schumer would make this show funnier too? that's cute 😂

can they get on with the story of the murder pls I'm bored

actually, as much as I wasn't hype for Cara, I'm enjoying her more than Selena 💁🏻‍♀️ - god, Selena's voice is so monotone she could put me to sleep (and don't start on the "it's just the character" bullshit because it's not just that, I watched a whole season of her not showing any emotions even in scenes that warranted it from even the most closed off aloof sarcastic character) - I know I'm saying a lot of shit about her but she just stands out so much in a very unflattering way lmao

I love Tina Fey, she might be the biggest reason I'm continuing with this show 😂 (aside from being interested in who killed bunny hahaha) - unrelated but: should I continue with 30 Rock? I watched like 10 episodes and it was boring and unfunny but like, does it get better or something? bc I kinda wanna see more of Tina Fey 😂😂

okay, so, I'm really interested in the story, I'm so curious about who killed Bunny and why they're trying to frame the main characters, or mainly Charles lol I'll definitely have to keep watching

it's still painfully unfunny (who the fuck writes this show, how can you claim that your show is a comedy - along with other things obvi - and have no funny jokes whatsoever - there are jokes, just not funny ones lol)

Selena is better than in s1 tbh I still don't particularly enjoy her, but at least her face isn't stuck in two facial expressions interchangeably 💁🏻‍♀️ (her tone of voice is still distractingly monotone tho)

I don't know what the purpose of having Amy Schumer in this is, because... well. I kinda liked her specials when I watched them when I was like 15 but... she's not the funniest comedian and we all know that sns - also, if your script sucks in terms of comedy, even bringing the funniest person wouldn't do much sns 😂

I liked it but I gotta say, this show doesn't have the greatest opening episodes. s1e1 was meh, s2e1 was better but only because I already knew the characters

but yeah, it was good, gotta watch the next one later or tomorrow idk (see, a good opening episode would get me so hooked I'd wanna binge it right the fuck now but while I am interested and wanna keep watching, I'm not feeling it rn haha)

[shesnotserious]

Dear Reader,

I have no idea what I'm about to do but please enjoy reading while i ramble on about whatever is at the apex of my mind. welcome to the beginning of what might be surprisingly fun journey.

When I turned 20 my boyfriend came over to my parent's house with two cake tops and icing. we made a frog cake, not my best work but then again I can't expect to be Buddy Valastro in a day with no cake decorating experience. Turning 20 meant turning away from my teen years and embracing a new challenge: adulthood, finally getting to open the big Victorian style doors that led to the other side but the problem is, how do you embrace it when you're still in high school?

In 2019 I wrote my final matric exams with an unsteady boyfriend and a soul full of anxiety. I pushed all my friends away because I needed him to love me and see that I was willing to commit, but what I didn't realise was that I was throwing myself under the bus while watching him ride the bus over me, crushing my spirit, dreams and self.

Yes I know, I can't blame him I mean we were 18 and in, what we thought, was love. We saw each other at school everyday and called when we got home. I spent every second I could with him because he embraced me, saw past the "fat girl" to the girl that wanted to be loved, or so I thought. Our "relationship" lasted about a year and some cents, it was beautiful when it was good, breathtaking almost but nauseating when it wasn't. We dreamt of building a life together and even named our kids and 2 dogs. We thought we would be highschool sweethearts and flip off everyone who didnt believe in us, oh how naïve we were. The problem though, was that I didn't focus my energy on anything else, just him, his happiness and wanting to be seen. I laughed at unfunny jokes and spent hours hearing him go on and on about his ideas and and concepts that, usually, didn't involve me but to be young and in love and equally naive, I thought he would see my value in his big dreams and realise that he had to have me by his side because you know what they say, "Behind every great man is a great woman",

and to that I say: BULLSHIT!

It was the day of, what I think, was my math paper. We were slowly nearing the end of finals but i hadn't studied and to top it all off, I knew nothing about the subject, why you may be asking, because I was trying to please the man I had idolised. Now, don't get me wrong, this is not a "slander men and burn them to ash", although it probably might seem like it at times, this is me expressing my heartfelt disappointment in a man who knew that he was the light of my life, the very essence of my being started and ended with him but this story doesn't have a happy ending.

We had been in a fight that week or that month and he was giving me the cold shoulder. i couldn't eat or sleep, every thought was either about him and it burnt. The need to be, well, needed by this man who could easily push me away started like a match that eventually grew like a wildfire and devoured everything in its path and to shed some light on the situation, he was in Grade 11 and doing exceptionally well, I think. I got to school that morning and went straight to the class where he usually was with his friends. He was smiling, not at me but at whatever car he was being shown, I made my way to him and asked if we could talk. I needed to know that we were okay and that he loved me because for some reason, his validation and assurance of school being "not important" and a "waste of time" would be just the right lie to keep me together.

It wasn't until we made our way outside I realised how cold it was. The air was cold, the sound of children playing faded away and all I could hear was our breathing. I tried looking into his eyes that were looking at everything but me and wondered where I had gone wrong, where I had misspoken or acted out of line, I tried to find the glimmer in his eyes, the one that lead me back to him after every fight but instead I was greeted with eyes that were spewing hatred and profanities, throwing daggers at my heart like a dart board aiming for the bullseye, I was cemented at the feet, my body wouldn't leave until he gave me the crumbs of affection i came looking for. I tried to have small talk but he so clearly uninterested, instead he wanted to go back to the people that made him feel normal, or at least that's what I thought. Eventually I asked him the standard morning question, with sweaty palms and a heavy heart, "Are we okay?", "I don't know," he shrugged, "can I go now?" and right then i felt it, my heart sinking into my stomach, the sound of it landing in my digestive waters echoed through my mind like a broken record. I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes but I had to be strong, I had to fight to see the light in his eyes before writing a paper I knew I was bound to fail, I had to find it before I spiraled off the face of the earth, sell me dreams so that the dread that was looming over me would leave,

and once again, I say: BULLSHIT!

"I don't want to talk about this right now, just go to your new friends and I'll stay here", he said, "But I want to talk about this, about us. I don't wanna go and write knowing that we're not okay", I pleaded, "But I'm not the one writing, so go to your new boyfriend" he said as he walked away leaving me speechless.

Now, some context: my school happened to be a writing center for other matriculants in the area who were homeschooled and it helped fill up our class, gave it life if I may. There were only four of us in my matric year, three boys and myself so having other (female) students was exciting but, as every good story goes, there was one particular student who caught our eye, a beautiful brown man with tattoos and a piercing, I think. He was, what I then consider my ideal man: pretty tall, brown and bulky. He was quiet and not in a way that made him shy but in a mysterious way, a way that wanted you to get close to him and ask about his tattoos and their stories, why Best Part by Daniel Caesar reminds him of his ex. I think my boyfriend saw it too and felt intimidated, did I give him reason to be, probably but I made it my mission to be as far away from this mystery man as possible and I did but, he was convinced otherwise.

I walked away with an even bigger hole in my heart than when I arrived so I decided to find the one person who knew how to bring me back to earth, my friend, whose name will not be mentioned because this isn't about him, yet! I walked into our semi crowded classroom and found my seat next to him. He had his head buried in a textbook trying to piece together the little information we had about the subject blasting Frank Ocean, or was it Brockhampton? His music taste is something to be adored. He peered up from his book, took one good look at me and knew that I had just gotten my heart shattered into a million pieces, again, so like the saint that he is, handed me his earphone and we sat listening to music while I felt my heart shatter. If you're wondering, yes, I cried a few times but managed to pull myself together long enough to write the dreaded math paper, a few tears escaped and the invigilators (who were also my teachers from primary school who i love) saw right through me but they had a job to do, as much as I wanted them to find the SOB and beat him senseless, I knew they would go to jail and they have families who need them but it comforted me that they saw me, really saw me but cared enough to let me deal with it on my own.

To make it long story short and reel it all in, we broke up in December of 2019, he said he didn't want to be in a relationship, I asked "with me?", he said "Yes" and I said "Okay" then, for the first time in a long time, I felt the weight of that past year lift and suddenly I could breathe. I'm not saying I was happy that we broke up but I'm also not not saying it? It was complicated, for the both of us, but all I knew was that i was finally happy and SINGLE but do not be fooled dear reader, I liked being single but I loved being in a relationship, not with him but with someone who I knew was for me but i didn't fight hard enough for, but we'll get to him.

I got my results in January of 2020 and surprise, surprise!

I failed.

Dismally. I mean I saw a 19% there somewhere, truly atrocious. I was sat on the couch at my grandmother's house with my phone in hand. I called my mom in to sit with me, showed her my phone and waited for her disapproval, for her to tell me that if I hadn't been so focused on him I would have done better but instead, she held me tight while I cried out what was left of my soul. She told me that it wasn't the end of the world, it was almost like she knew that my reality had collapsed, as if my surroundings shattered around me like glass leaving behind nothing but darkness. For the first time in my life, I had felt like a failure but little did I know that it was just the beginning.

20 has been the greatest ride on the "World's Worst Rollercoaster Ever", terrifying but sometimes extremely boring with new twists and turns but also moments of extreme calm. Maybe I'll keep writing dear reader as a therapeutic device, as a new and more exciting part of the ride or to finally see myself on paper and regret it, either way this our journey now and I hope you're ready.

love

winter

21.09.21

3:53am

[the-body-remembers]

he had all the privileges I hadn't

-summary: After a huge fight between Zoe and Senne their friends take matters in their own hands.

I'm sorry for grammar and time mistakes, but English is not my mothertongue. I tried my best :)

-

It's been more than 6 weeks, since she got in a huge fight with Senne. Ever since she slept on Janas couch and constantly complains about what an asshole he is. Zoe has been living with Senne for almost two years and she dared to say that he knows nearly everything about her. He knew how excited she was, when her boyfriend wanted to come to their apartment.

But Senne behaved like a complete asshole, made unfunny comments and never gave her and Adam time alone. Even when they both went to Zoes room, he always found excuses to come in for a while. Zoe titled him 'The most annoying roommate.'

Adam left after a few hours and after Zoe shut the door close, she angrily turned around. "What was that?" she asked Senne. "What?" he answered like he didn't know what he did. "Couldn't you leave us alone?" "Zoe...I'm...." She didn't want to hear a little sorry. She just couldn't. "You know what. Save it!" Her voice suddenly becomes harsher and louder. "I'm sick of this. I don't think I can live like this now. I'm going to live at Janas!" With that she grabbed her jacket and purse. She felt Sennes hand trying to reach hers, but she left without turning around again. Jana came later to grab her things.

So 6 weeks after that, Senne is throwing a party. And Jana insists to go there. Zoe goes. Not because she isn't mad anymore, but she misses him. More than anything. More than she could imagine. Sometimes she saw him in public and catched herself when she looked longer at him than  friends normally do. She tries to talk it down. But even Adam noticed. When they went out to the park, Senne was there playing soccer with his friends. Zoe couldn't do another thing than just looking at him and eventually he made eye contact with her. The intensity of his eyes and the sadness in them catch her off guard and she stops in her tracks. Of course Adam noticed. When their ways part he just stands there, staing a little fact. "You're in love with him." Zoe furrowed her eyebrows and her eyes widen in shock. "No..." she trails off, trying to convince herself she is not. "Yes you are and I don't wanna be between you two. Goodbye Zoe." Without giving her the chance to reply he left her standing alone.

They arrive a bit late at the party. A girl Zoe doesn't know opens the door and lets them in. Zoe looked around. The apartment haven't changed much. Pictures of her and her friend were still hanging on the wall. Her favorite book wasn't removed from the living room table and the paper with the jobs they need to do was still pinned on the fridge. All in all it seemed like she never left. She grabbed a non alcoholic drink and went back to her friends.

"You remember that book you wanted to lent me?" Yasmina asked. Zoe nodded in agreement. "Can you grab it for me?" "Yeah sure." Zoe went to her room. When she closed the door she saw Senne standing there and looking trough. "What are you doing in here?" she asked curiously. "Yasmina..." he starts, but is interrupted by the sound of the key in doorlock. "NO!" Zoe screams realizing the plan her friends had. It was to late. The door was already closed.

Slowly she lets herself slid down the door. "This can't be true." Senne sits down next to her. "I had no idea. I promise." he said like he read her mind. "I behaved like an asshole. I'm sorry. I hope everything is alright with you and thi- Adam." he slowly starts. "We broke up." Zoe answers him with a cold voice. What happened next is the least Zoe expects. Senne embraces her and moves his hand up and down her back. "I never meant that this happenend..." he mumbled into her hair. "It's not only your fault.", Zoe said deciding to give him a hint. "He had a problem with our...well close relationship."

Senne slowly lets go of her.  Zoe assumed he got the hint. "Also..." her voice breaks a little, "I can't be with someone when I already love someone else..." She lets the last words trail off. The tension between her and Senne seemed to grower thicker and thicker with every breath she took. "I was jealous." Senne starts, "I was jealous, because he had all the privileges I hadn't. He was allowed to kiss you and touch you whenever he wanted. If I had done that everyday you would see me as a creep. I thought maybe I could, I don't know, make him insecure. "

He looked at Zoe with a unsure look. "I just wanted to do the same." She bit he lower lip and looked him deep in the eyes, showing him that she was serious with what she said next. "Then do it." His eyes widen in shock realizing that maybe he was the one Zoe was talking about. He stands up and pulls her up with him. "What are you doi-" Senne silenced her mouth with his. She returns the kiss with an intensity that even shocked herself. Her arms are around Sennes neck, while his are laying on her waist. It becomes more heavier and passionate as time flies by. He lifts Zoe up and without interrupting the kiss they lay down on her bed.

When they need air again they are facing each other. The noses are nearly touching. Senne puts a string of Zoes hair behind her ear and caressed her cheek. "Do you mind if I stay over in your room tonight?" he asks quietly. "As long as we build a border between us." she jokes. Senne poked her into her waist what made Zoe laugh. "Of course you can!" she says and kisses him long. They don't regognize, when their friends open the door again. It didn't matter anymore. What mattered was them being in each others arms.